I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
