I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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