my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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