This is not my ceiling
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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