You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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