hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
