Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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