Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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