Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
