I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
