I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
