remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
