Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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