im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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