I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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