So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
