apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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