Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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