I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
