I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
