fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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