it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
