just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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