he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
