1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize