The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
