So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
