Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
