just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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