Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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