he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
