pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she pinky promised me she was 18
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
