i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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