Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
