dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just google imaged poop.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
two words: eviction party
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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