I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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