i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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