There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
