i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
