Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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