People in love make me want to vomit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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