he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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