You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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