Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
