This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
