Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
