My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
