is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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