So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She said her name was "party"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
