I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
