so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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