Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
