If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
