she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
