Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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