My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
