Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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