Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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