**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
