living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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