I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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