you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
