Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
