Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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