I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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