you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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