my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
