I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
