i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
