That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize