i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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