is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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