i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
