The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
