I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
