barbara walters just said penis...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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