weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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