He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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