so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
