I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
