fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
