If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize