Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
