Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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